Memo To God

MEMO TO: GOD

FROM:  THE DOG

Dear God:  Is it on purpose our
 names are the
 same, only reversed?

Dear God:  Why do humans
 smell the flowers, but seldom,
 if ever, smell one another?

Dear God:  When we get to heaven,
 can we sit on your couch?
 Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God:  Why are there cars named after the jaguar,
 the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray,
 and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog?
 How often do you see a cougar riding around?
 Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God:  If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

Dear God:  We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths.  What do humans understand?

Dear God:  More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God:  Are there mailmen in Heaven?  If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God:  Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5.  The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7.  Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12.  The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S.  When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?