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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Memo To God

MEMO TO: GOD
FROM:  THE DOG

Dear God: Is it on purpose our
names are the
same, only reversed?

Dear God: Why do humans
smell the flowers, but seldom,
if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven,
can we sit on your couch?
Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar,
the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray,
and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog?
How often do you see a cougar riding around?
Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

3 comments:

Three Dogs Long said...

O my dawg, that is so funny!! We love #12!! lol!

PS- Oskar is hoping his will be returned!

(((hugs)) your friends
Oskar, Schatzi & Xena

Mason Dixie said...

That is so funny. I love the tug of war. too funny.

Martha Basset said...

You find all these very sweet/funny things! Cute!
love
Martha & Bailey xx